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August 29, 2005
ARRRGGHHH!!!!!
FEMINISM IS NOT EQUAL TO MAN-HATING! NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT!
I am a feminist, and so is my boyfriend. I do not hate men. I do not think that men are worthless or that women are better.
Feminism is not about hating men; it is about recognizing invisible societal systems of privilege and breaking them down. Yes, white men are privileged in our society. No, that does not make them the enemy. The ones who are truly the enemy are those who consciously support that kind of social hierarchy. Yes, many men perpetuate gender hierarchy without realizing it, and it's fairly easy to write those men off as assholes. But the important thing to remember is that many of them simply don't realize that their behavior is unacceptable. They've been taught their whole lives that men and women have a certain kind of relationship, and worse than that, they've been taught that people that oppose that system are "man-hating lesbians," or possibly "pussy-whipped girly men." Ideally, we need to revamp the whole system so men like those are raised in an environment that encourages them to see women as equals, but until we have a world like that, we need to accept that that notion is simply foreign to some people. Yes, those men need to be educated about the truth surrounding systems of privilege; yes, until they're helping us, those individuals are actually hurting us. But that doesn't mean that the entire male gender must automatically be castigated for those men who don't understand the need to rebel, and it doesn't mean that a man can't, halfway through life, gain an understanding of the worth of feminism and become a warrior for feminism instead of against it.
Most intelligent third-wave feminists can grasp that distinction. We don't see men as the enemy, but rather as a much-needed ally in the fight for equality; a group that can conceivably come to understand the need for what we're doing and help us in our work. Yeah, some of us fall into the trap of clumping all men together as pervy jackasses who aren't good for anything but staring at our boobs, but that's just because so many men act that way, thinking that it's totally appropriate. I'm not saying it's okay for us to make such generalizations, but it must be understood why we do it. Not all of us are lucky enough to be acquainted with a number of intelligent, feminist men who understand that women aren't just boobs, a vagina, and a tendency toward hysteria.
Just as feminists shouldn't be writing off men as worthless, nor should anyone else be writing off feminists as man-haters. That's just how it works. You want people to stop generalizing you, then stop generalizing them.
So to reiterate... I, personally, don't hate men. I love intelligent, sensitive, feminist men who see women as allies and do what they can to break down the patriarchal system of privilege, even though they know they are the ones benefiting from it. What I do hate, or at least, pity and somewhat fear [in the sense of, I fear what they are capable of], are sexist, ignorant men who are terrified that we may someday topple their patriarchy and take away their power. But I refuse to place the entire male gender into that latter category, because I deeply value the men I know who distinctly fall into the former category.
Posted by becka at August 29, 2005 11:02 PM